Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day: Remembering Our Babies

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October 15th 2009 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Why is such a day necessary?

Today is necessary because thousands of babies around the world are lost each day. Some to miscarriage, some are born still, some from sudden infant death syndrome and some as newborns.

It is necessary to get the word out there about pregnancy loss. To help families cope with a loss. To help them deal with the pain and sometimes guilt that is felt after losing a child.

On this day there is an international wave of light. This event is celebrated all over the world starting at 7pm. At this time you are to light a candle in remembrance of all the lost babies that have been born. Burning the candle for at least an hour means that throughout this entire day there will be a continuous wave of light for our lost children.

This day holds a special place in my heart. Today is a day for me to remember the babies I have lost. I miscarried in November 2008 at about six weeks and then I lost my baby boy, Hunter on March 28th 2009 at only 18 weeks 4 days.

18 week baby Hunter

I know with my experiences I felt very alone after the fact. You wonder what you could have done different. Why it had to happen to you. The pain is always there in your heart, but life does go on and each day gets a bit brighter.

I think this day is so important because so many people just don’t understand the pain that can be associated with pregnancy loss. I heard many times

“You are young, you have lots of time to try again.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”
“It wasn’t meant to be.”

NONE of these helped me. None of them made me feel better. The pain is very real. I think that a lot of time because these babies weren’t “known” that somehow this means that the emotional pain of dealing with the loss will be easier.

I will be lighting a candle at 7pm for my baby lost in November and for my sweet baby Hunter. And another for all of the other babies who had to leave this world too soon.

Have you suffered the loss of a baby? Did you find people were supportive and understanding? – Shannon Strohm, Staff Writer




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  1. dee says:

    6th december 2009 we lost out baby boy lewis anthony at 18 weeks and 1 day, march 21st 2008 at 15 weeks and 4 days we lost our little girl morgan lee.
    life is so hard and cruel sometimes and i have no idea why this has happened to me or other women

    i just hope we all find happiness soon and have the wanted babies that we deserve

    xx

  2. anna says:

    I lost my baby a 18 weeks two weeks ago.
    ~i am still in shock

  3. Amanda says:

    We lost our first, Payton Emily on February 17th. We were on our way to find the sex of the baby 16 weeks…….and no heartbeat…….silent miscarriage. I am an absolute mess, cant eat, cant sleep, and im constantly on the internet looking for reasons why, as her pathology report is still a week out. I honestly dont know how to get through this.

  4. Betty says:

    I had a miscarriage on December 25th, pretty much december 24th right at midnight. While I was watching my body go thru this I could hear all my family laughing and screaming out with happiness 🙁 how can one ever get over that?

  5. Katie says:

    I lost my first child Ava – March 2nd, 2010 at 21.2 weeks due to an incompetent “weak” cervix… She was absolutely beautiful, like a little angel to me. Her lungs were not strong enough to live outside of the womb and NICU would not step in unless she was 24 weeks. She lived 12 minutes and I held her as she passed. I love her and miss her so very much – Ive never been so empty in my entire life.

  6. anna says:

    i lost my baby at 10 1/2 weeks on december 27th. it was the worst thing in the world. people tell me “well it wasnt even a baby” but to me no matter what it was my little baby. i found out the day before thanksgiving i was pregnant. then i started bleeding chritmas eve. and everyone one told me to calm down it was normal. but i knew something was wrong. something in me told me that i was losing the baby but i didnt want to belive it. i couldnt imagine being as far along as most of you and losing my child. it was hard enough to lose mine in the first trimester. but being past that and losing it after feeling the baby…. it would kill me even worse. im so sorry to all of you for your losses. and i hope that you all have a baby without any problems in the future. me and my boyfriend are hoping to try again but were just so scared to have another miscarrige. and to Betty im SO sorry your family did that. it really bothers me that they would do that to you in the time your losing your child.

  7. Katy says:

    I lost my baby when I thought I was about two months. I started spotting, I went to the ER, the doctor told me that he was 90% sure I was going to a miscarriage. I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t tell anyone because I felt no one was going to understand. Honestly what has helped me is reading your words. Thank you.

  8. Jamala says:

    I was bless with a baby girl my first child..I lost my second baby girl at 16 weeks in July of 2005,my third baby in june of 2009 and i recently lost my baby boy Kyle 15 weeks August 6,2010..Its the hardest thing I ever had to do was give birth to a baby that you know that wasnt going to make it…My faith is gone really scared to try again…

  9. courtney says:

    Aww, your wee lil babe looks just like my Hanna. They’re beautiful babes!!

  10. Nikki says:

    I lost my baby at 6 weeks and 1 day. 2 months ago today..I wasn’t planning on getting pregnant but when I found out and told my boyfriend, we were thrilled! We couldn’t be any happier.
    One night I couldn’t sleep. Something in my mind just didn’t feel right. Next thing I know, I started bleeding heavily and the pain wouldn’t go away.
    Im not the type of person to takes medication unless I absoultely have to. That night I took 2 Tylenols and the pain just eased a little. My B/f rushed me to the ER where they told me the news.
    I couldn’t believe it.
    It was all a blur. I hardly remember that night.
    It felt like my life was ending..
    I would NEVER wish that upon anyone!!!
    Im sorry for your loses and I wish each and everyone of yall successful and safe pregnancies in the future.
    No one understands what you are going through unless they’ve been through the same thing.
    All I kept hearing was:
    “Everything happens for a reason.”
    “It wasnt meant to be.”
    “You always have another chance..your young.”

    And everytime someone would tell me that, I’d get more fustrated..they dont know what I been through.
    That was MY baby..No matter what he/she will ALWAYS be MY baby!!!
    I wish yall the best and people like yall are helping me through this!!
    I will keep yall in my prayers! 🙂

  11. Shayla says:

    I am currently 10 weeks according to the doctors at my hospital. i started spotting brown after a horrific pelvic exam in the er. ever since i have been spotting and when i go back they say everything is fine. but you may miscarry. why? i have passed a few small clots and on about the size of half a dime. but no pain or cramps. i have been trying to get pregnant for 9 years. i want this baby so bad. i lay here trying to stay calm but i don’t know what to do. im so lost.
    i pray my baby hangs on. only time will tell.

    prayers to all

    • Hi Shayla,

      Try to stay positive. I had an abrupted placenta throughout my first pregnancy and was able to carry the baby to 24 weeks, when he was delivered at 675 grams. Looking back I wish I would have just relaxed a little more and taken it easy. They told me that I may miscarry as well. That is always something that can happen when a mom is spotting and doctors aren’t sure why.

      Out thoughts are with you! Stay strong and eat healthy for your baby:)

      Lisa

  12. Cheyenne says:

    Me and my husband lost our son, Justin Levi, when i was 5 1/2 months pregnant with him. it was so devastating. i have had a hard time dealing with it ever since. The doctors don’t even know what it is that caused it which makes me scared to have another one, but i want a baby so bad, i want my precious baby boy. my husband has been very supportive and has tried to help me with the loss of our son, but i just can’t seem to get over it. i have been prescribed medicine and everything. im just so depressed anymore, i don’t know what to do. i love and miss my little boy so bad. it seems so unfair. =(

  13. Brittany Marshall says:

    I am blessed with a 2 yr old beautiful girl n a 11 month beautiful boy, but just a week ago on April 20, 2011; my fiance and I at 6 weeks pregnant, lost our baby….I’m still lost in emotions n my fiance can’t come home till thursday (4weeks gone) cause he works on the road…. I thank god for my 2 beautiful children n wish i knew why he took our baby away from us.

  14. SANDRA NUNEZ says:

    WE HAVE 2 BEAUTIFUL GIRLS ,my first was a very high risk born at 32 weeks she was sick kid ,until she was 3 yrs old,our second came good then after 10 yrs. suddenly I found I was pregnant, we were excited and happy,then just last week I went to the OBY /g I took my daughters with me . cause my belly size we suspect are 2 babies, so were excited then. at the ultrasound room w/ my kids in, the technician told US , i see baby but no heart beat, I got shock . I ran to another second opinion but he confirmed, that my adorable baby has no heart beat,finally last friday I went trhu surgery to do the procedure, I asked for my baby and doctor told me it was only mass and membrane, I want to see cause on the ultrasound it seen it was already formedwith arms, and legs and we seen almost full body, so my question why doctors are so cold on feelings. im still crying for him or her and I will ever its a big loss for me

  15. Alyssa says:

    A few weeks ago I began showing signs of pregancy, I literally had every single sign and symptoms, and we had figured me out to be about six weeks along. My husband and I have no insurance, so I couldn’t go to the doctor yet. A week or so later, I began spotting and started freaking out. I had already grown accustomed to the thought that I would have a baby of my own. The next day I couldn’t sleep, I started cramping and having bad pain. My husband thought maybe I wasn’t pregnant and was getting my period. In the morning I started bleeding heavily and started gushing blood, and this little whitish/translucent thing came out. Later on that day my bleeding lightened and my pain pretty much stopped. I couldn’t stop crying. My husband wouldn’t believe I had a miscarriage and my friends would’t believe me either, until I talked to a nurse who said I had. I have a doctor’s appointment today to get checked out. Even though my baby was still tiny and not far along, that doesn’t make it any less real, and this has been very hard, it was my first pregnancy. I will definitely be lighting a candle this October. Thank you for this post.

  16. Rocio says:

    I was 21 weeks pregnant when I lost my sweet baby boy. He weigh 14.7 oz. the entire pregnancy was full of complications. At 12 weeks I started bleeding, no not spotting…full on bleeding. Like a period, I bled for 9 weeks straight up until he had to be delivered. I made 3 trips to the ER for severe lower abdominal pain that lasted up to 3 hours at a time. Each time ultrasounds were made & everything showed to be normal. My sonogram Ben showed everything to be fine. The bleeding wasn’t coming from my baby, my cervix was nice & tight & my placenta was where it should be. Still no one could explain the continuous bleeding & excruciating pain. July 2nd @ 10:30 pm my water broke. I had no clue that’s what it was; I was only 5 months. I thought the baby had been on my bladder and I had peed myself. So I thought nothing of it. I went to work on the 3rd anyway with the leakage continuing along with the blood & I could still feel my baby moving so still I thought nothing of it. I got off work an hour early since I had lost so much sleep the night before and rested the remainder of the day in bed. Midnight that night July 4th I was awoken by the same excruciating pains I had been getting only they werent continuous this time. This time they came and went every 15-30 minutes. I’d fall asleep until the “pain” came bck & it would wake me. I was scared & upset cuz I was losing sleep & it hurt. 5am came, 6am came, 7,8,9,10 am came and the “pains” became 7-10 minutes apart. At 11am I called a friend to pick me up & rush me to the ER. I was immediately admitted at 12:20 pm. They asked me a series of questions and ran tests. At 3:30pm I was told I was having contractions & the leakage I experienced was my water breaking. I had started pre-term labor on July 2nd. My Doc told me of I had an infection they’d have to deliver Adriel & that due to the labor he might already be…gone. Since my water broke two days ago, of course I had an infection. I delivered my sweet angel July 5th @ 5:10am. He was stillborn. I had been in labor for 3 days and had no clue. How did I not know I had been having contractions? Nobody ever believed how bad my cramps were every month when I had my periods up until now. The “contractions” I had been feeling were nothing compared to the cramps I got every month B4 I got pregnant. So pre-term labor never crossed my mind, I was in pain, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t suck up and ignore. That is until 7pm when they hit they’re all time high of miscarriage. I don’t know how to get back from this. I live with the guilt of not having my Motherly instincts kick in & make me go to the ER the minute my water broke. I haven’t talked about it, only my Doctors know some of this line of events. I don’t talk about it because I’m living with anger & guilt. My Dr set aside time to talk to me about it & I avoided it. I asked what happened & the minute he said the entire practice looked everything over & still didn’t find anything wrong I made the decision to stop talking. My sweet baby boy, mommy is so sorry :'(

    • rcho says:

      Rocio,
      I see that it is almost 6 months now since you posted this. I wonder how you are doing now. I cannot imagine how difficult the loss of your son was. I have had two miscarriages, but they were much earlier. I felt so bad to hear about the guilt you were feeling. How could you have known what was happening when you were already having such a difficult pregnancy? If everything had been going smoothly and you hadn’t been bleeding so much and having abdominal pains, then you would have known that something was going on and would have gotten to the hospital. Clearly it is not your fault that you went into labor early, but I understand why you wished you had gotten to the hospital earlier. I am just very sorry to hear about your painful loss and I pray that you will find peace.

  17. Mary says:

    I had a my first miscarriage last night, right before midnight. I got out of bed and felt a gush of blood rushing down my legs. I awoke my husband and he accompanied me to the bathroom where the baby came out as I was on the toilet. I was only 10 weeks but I don’t think that he nor I have ever been in so much pain. No matter how far along, losing a baby hurts. We went to the doctor this morning and discovered that there was still a heartbeat in my womb and a baby. It turns out that there were twins and the baby that we lost didn’t form correctly and my body rejected it. We are so sad about the loss of our baby but also so very thankful that there is another baby living healthily in my uterus. I hope that you women all find strength in Christ and that you all are comforted at the thought that your angel is in heaven in our father’s arms. I love you all.

  18. Nk says:

    A week ago I had my second miscarriage and I am at a loss emotionally. All ur stories bring me comfort to know that I am not alone.

  19. SB says:

    I have lost 5 babies at different gestation ages (6 weeks, 10 weeks, 14 weeks, 20 weeks, and 9 weeks). Each loss was harder than the next. Our fourth pregnancy was the hardest, i was 20 weeks and went into preterm labour. Still a year later no one can tell me why this happened. My son passed within seconds of birth, his lungs were not developed enough. 6 months later I was pregnant yet again and at 9 weeks we had a ultrasound there was no heartbeat. I was in shock and didn’t know how to deal with this. All i wish is that someone would have a answer for why this keeps happening. I’m not even sure that we can try again.

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