There’s a truth that every parent knows, but some of us refuse to admit: parenting is hard. It’s exhausting, sometimes thankless, often requires exceptional multitasking skills, will develop your reflexes better than any sport, and demands you have nerves (and a gut) made of steel.
But, after all that work, parents need to find time for fun. They need to reconnect. Because, trust me when I say this, one of the worst things you can do as a couple is to stop having sex (divorce rates are higher for sexless marriages). So, if you’re like most of us and in need of a little reboot and some spice in your sex life, check out these interesting tips for heating it up after the kids go to sleep.
Turn the Lights ON!
Moms often struggle with their post-baby bodies, and that can lead to all kinds of issues, including body insecurities. If those insecurities are bad enough, moms may be inclined to keep the lights off during love-making. The one problem with this is that men tend to be visual creatures. They enjoy seeing your facial expressions, the way your body moves, and even the way it has changed. So, go on! Be brave and try having sex with the lights ON for a change!
Send Him Shopping
Want to try something that’ll make you nervous and excited, all at the same time? Send him out shopping. No, we don’t mean for this week’s grocery list. Give him some time to browse the clothing racks for something he wants to see you in. Maybe it’s a dress. Maybe it’s sexy lingerie. You won’t know until he gets it home (you can set boundaries if you feel it’s necessary). Then, when he hands you the bag, be prepared to model it. And, if all goes well . . . have it taken off.
Having kids means you’re on call at odd hours. Some days, you’re barely able to hold your eyes open, regardless of how many cups of coffee, kombucha, or tea you guzzle. So, when you think about trying to stay awake, getting in the shower, climbing into bed, and then trying to find energy for sex . . . well, it all starts to seem a little hopeless. But there are moments throughout the day – nap times, the kids are at outside playing, etc. – that you can use to your advantage. Throw a little spontaneity in there! Pull into your garage after dropping the kids off at daycare and get busy in the back. Turn nap time into fun time. You get the idea.
Make Some Steam
After a long and stressful day, sometimes all you need is a nice, hot bath or shower. Well . . . why not amp up your de-stressing period with a little endorphin release? Take a nice, soapy shower together and later each other up. Soak in the tub and ask him to rub your shoulders. You can take it from there, or head on into the bedroom after you’re all nice and relaxed – the choice is yours – but either way, you’re both going to feel more connected and ready to go.
Check into a Hotel
Sometimes, all you need is a change of scenery to heat things up, or a night where you don’t have to worry about the stress of getting through sex before the baby wakes up. Whatever the situation, checking into a hotel for a night can help. Of course, you do need someone trustworthy to watch the kids, and it might take you a bit of planning, but if you’re in a serious drought or rough patch, a night away could be just what you need.
Turn the Music On
Want to heat things up but not quite sure if you’re comfortable with some of the more daring tips? Try simply turning on some music. Slow dance and connect, get your heart pumping in a swing dance or some jazz, or show him your moves. No matter what way you decide to do it, dancing is sure to release some pheromones and get things moving in the right direction.
Life may have changed since you first got together, but somewhere beneath the sippy cups, baby bottles, and loads of laundry, you’re still the fun-loving vixen that he fell in love with. So, rather than trying a bunch of new ideas, why not simply recreate some of your own sexiest moments together. (Remember that time in the hot tub?) Talk about them and try them out or write them down and throw them in a hat to be drawn – make the throwback game your own. After all, the goal here is to be yourself!
Give Sexting a Try
Sexting – or the sending of racy text messages – can be a bit uncomfortable at first, but once you get into it, it’s a lot of fun! Don’t worry, you won’t have to send nudie pics, or even pictures of yourself if you don’t want to (but you definitely can!). Instead, just send him little messages to let him know you’re up for some fun later. Ask him to guess what color your panties are (or tell him you’re wearing his favorite set). Let him know how much you enjoy that thing he does. Tell him what it feels like when he touches you. If you still can’t come up with something to say that doesn’t make you squirm, try sending a meme. In other words, make it fun, but make it your own!
Engage in a Sensual Massage
Sexy and sensual massages are a classic way to add a little romance to your bedtime ritual. Try different oils and scents. Set the mood with lights and relaxing music. Expert tip: try massing body parts that seem a little less than conventional, such as the ear lobes or fingers. These areas get less attention, so when you massage them in a sensual way, it can send a sensual tingle to all the right places.
Hold a Sexy Photo Shoot
Whether you’re the one doing the pictures and sending them to him while he’s away, or you have him take the photos for you as foreplay, sexy photos are a fun and sensual way to heat things up in the bedroom. Still struggling with body image after having kids? If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can wear outfits that make you feel sexy or turn the lights down a bit for a muted effect. Just remember that he loves your body . . . so let him enjoy it!
Take an Adult Store Field Trip
If you’re not the kind to get overly embarrassed in an adult store, why not take a field trip with your partner? Something about being in the middle of one of these stores, noticing what draws their attention, and laughing over the things you would NEVER try lightens the mood and reminds you that sex is supposed to be fun! Besides, you never know, you just might come home with some new, fun items.
Create Your Own Adult Game (Or Just Buy One)
Adult games are a great way to break the ice when it’s been a while since your last romp in the sack. Try truth or dare, adult dice, or just think up some fun things to try and draw the ideas from a hat. Buy one, make up your own, do whatever you like. Just make it light, make it fun, and make it sexy!
Try Your Hand at Role Playing
Do you have an alter ego? Have you always wanted to be a daring, adventurous lover? Why not play your hand at dress-up and give role playing a try? Even if for just a few hours, you get to be someone else. You can try that thing he’s mentioned but you were too nervous to do. Flirt in a bar or at your favorite restaurant like you just met. You can even check into a hotel instead of heading home for the night if it suits your fancy. Get creative, be daring, and have fun!